Change your perspective

Part of Art is Trash, from Francisco de Pájaro

It takes work but you can take a pile of shit and turn it into anything else. It’s a matter of perspective. I think there are a few key ways of looking at it to change your outlook.

The arrow of time.

Past: I can’t believe this shit happened to me
Future: Shit Happens. Wipe it off.

Looking ahead. I’ve always thought it’s not about the mess, the trouble or the mistake. It’s how you get out of it.

The arrow of centricity

Inward: Ahhhhh, Fuck me!
Outward: You can go fuck yourself!

Probably not the best example, but the concept being “the world is happening to me” vs. “I’m making my world.”

The arrow of size

Smaller: All I found was a dollar
Bigger: Think of all the penny candies I can buy with this dollar!

Size is what you make of it. This can be done with time, or money, or anything. When it’s important, you make it bigger. [ yes, there’s a sex joke in there, but I’ll let you say the words ]

The arrow of open..ness..ness??

Closed: Can I have a car?
Open: What kind of car can I have?

Ok… the metaphor might be stretching a bit thin, but I think I’m making my point. It’s all in the words we choose. Take a look at your tweets and facebook posts. Take a read though the posts of people you intently read and through the ones you actively avoid.

Pay attention to these arrows.

Perhaps it might change your perspective.


Forcing something

Here’s my curious side. The one that loves Exploration and New.

Sometimes you have to force “new”. It’s not going to come on a shelf with neon signs pointing at it. It’s not going to have that amazing little red star like dot, and it might not even have the words “new” anywhere in sight. You have to find it, and make it.

It’s messy and sometimes leaves an awful taste. You can look back at the effort of trying as a disgusting waste of time and energy. But, it’s a story, an adventure. [ Insert quote about journey’s and change here ].

Now, here’s my other side that says Fuck that.

In amidst all the chaos of life: the commutes, the deadlines, the bills, family/friends, drama – It’s impossible to expect anyone to make “new”? When I shut down the most, chaos is making me it’s bitch. So don’t go to “new” – go to “easy”.

Puke out the same old drab you did yesterday. Leave a turd on the doorstep of the world filled with meaningless metaphors. Look back at it and say it’s the shittiest thing you’ve ever done.

But it’s done.

You did something.


Emo Days

What can I say? I’m a Threadless fan.

Yes, I get these. I usually keep’em locked away. Not here. Here I should be able to wear my inner black shirt.

where is this island, this thought?
to find the shore i’ll seek its waves, the ripples
as it moves about like a weighted freighter
spewing rusted ruffage, powdery rouge
that red whale! for others white
and when my toes can bleed across its shores
i’ll finally break it down, smelt it, smash it to the deep
watch it writhe as it drowns, caked in its own vomit
i’ll do the back stroke above a watery grave
looking to the blue sky and whistling with a smile
the sound of silence, of wind, of breath
a calm night to finally rest my shoulders on.


The time of the Introvert

Creative commons image courtesy of roberttellier

It’s nice that introverts are getting more attention.

In the recent slew was this one from the Huffington Post about signs of introverts. Here are the ones that most jumped out at me:

  • You go to parties -– but not to meet people.
  • Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.
  • Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.
  • When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench — not in the middle.
  • You’re in a relationship with an extrovert.

There are, of course, more that I connect with than others. And yes, one or two that I don’t think relate to me at all. Either way – sounds pretty damn


Forgetting Too Much

I forget too much. If yesterday I thought too much, today I’ve forgotten all about the sad things I thought about and am left with a clean slate to think about them again. I have thousands of empty notebooks waiting to be filled. I have tried check-in apps and logs, but again the root is forgetting. Even an alarm doesn’t seem to work, either:

a) I don’t set it, or
b) it goes off, I see it, get distracted, and forgot it went off.

A bit of a chasing my own tail scenario I’ve got going. If I come up with a sense of purpose and passion – and Idea of where I want to go next, by the next day – it’s drifted and forgotten.

Things… the things that I surround myself seem to be like little Harry Potter like talismans, storing memories. Like the pen I use, the coffee cup I drink from. The desk and chair I sit at. The room that’s just for work.

Habitual patterns… habit seems to help. If by chance I do something enough, then it starts to trigger a pattern, and that pattern triggers a memory. Like hours studying at home transitions well to working from home. When I went back to school I wrote more notes than I ever did the first time round and interestingly enough, although my personal journals are empty – my work journals are stacking up – all full.

Things & habits. Habits & things.

Fuck I hope I remember this tomorrow – wait, I will!


Thinking Too Much

Creative commons image from Thomas Leuthard

I have a problem of thinking too much – it’s sad really. No, really, it makes me sad. Add that to the fact that I work from home, alone, the majority of time, in a small town, and I’ve got a deadly combination.

Doing things can break that. Making things can break that. Running can break that. Playing piano can break that. Human contact can break that. Making a pile of mash potatoes can break that.

Anything but “thinking”.


A Concise Mind

A Concise Mind

I recently had an opportunity to hang around brilliant folks in their fields. Mainly it was wine and food – and ooooohhhhh such good wine and ammmmmazing food.

But there was something to their brilliance which had me think about this little quote.

“If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.”

Misquoted as a bunch of old guys

Excluding the non-verbal aspect of tasting the fruits of their talents – when I spoke with them, they easily got me to grasp what they did. No fancy language, not bells and whistles, no references to 18th century chefs & techniques that didn’t mean anything to me.

They had taken the time and could write a shorter letter.

Perhaps the leaders of tomorrow should remember that. Perhaps we’re already heading there with the infinite blogs and content creators leveraging skimming behaviours, smaller paragraphs and brevity to stand out in the crowd.

Perhaps it’s a tone we’re getting used to and looking for the more we head into a tribal state.


Law of attraction skips ahead, again.

I understand the law of attraction, and without all the hippy dippy fluffery that surrounds it, it makes sense. You make your world in your mind and things start happening. You want a house — build it in your mind and you start seeing opportunities to make it real. Sci-fi should be a prime example of how a mind and collective mind have shaped our world from astronauts to cell phones to the internet.

While reading yet another book on it, The Passion Test, I get a feeling, that again, it skipped a core step.

What the fuck do I want to make with my mind?

It may be my own personal challenge. But that nugget, that core, that root, that single question confounds me every time. What I want, draws a blank. I don’t block or deny the rest of the process – I’ve lept and allowed the net to catch; I’ve done amazing things; I’ve completed things I knew were crazy. And then, once completed… what’s next?

[insert shrugging shoulders]


What is this “Confused Voice”?

What it is; What it isn’t.

Photo by Zhifei Zhou on Unsplash

Confused Voice? Does that mean you “hear” voices?

No. I do not hear voices [ right now ]. This is about my personal voice, and being comfortable with who I am. If you want information about how to cope with hearing voices and how to manage, I suggest you look somewhere else

So you’re “confused”?

Yes. I am. I’m trying to figure out who I want to be. People who “know in their bones” who they are, and who they want to be, are mesmerizing. They are without apology or restraint. I want that. At certain points in my life, I thought I was getting there, I felt a strong certainty… then… it… faded. Life happened. I happened. Doubt. Confusion. Fear.

What it’s all about.

This is a form of shock therapy for me. I could write a personal journal, you know, the old fashioned way, where I swear and yell and scream with vowels and then hide the tattered pages under my bed. Not saying those pages aren’t there in the shadows, just, they aren’t helping. I need to say these things out loud in a crowded room. Not shy away. So it needs to be public.

There will be fucking swearing. I struggle with censorship. Self censorship mostly, hence the tagline. It’s this little voice inside my head that says, “if you’ve got nothing nice to say, don’t post it.” And generally it’s a great rule of thumb and works very well for my day job. But what’s ended up happening is slowly what I defined as “nice” ended up being “don’t offend” and “please everyone” — and there’s the problem. So there’s not going to be censoring — matter of fact ( more for my benefit than your’s )… elephant fucking, shit tard, cock nuggets, penis!! Done.

This time I’m looking for answers [added Jan 2018]. When I first started this all, it was to start down the rabbit hole. Now, I think perhaps I need to add some more analytical work? Be a professional and shit and really critique myself and others. I want to not only break the silence, but find clarity and focus in my voice.

I’ve done this several times in several ways — start, stop, start, stop, get distracted by something sparkly, forget, then it rots. I would love to say that I won’t do that again — but at least not today.